So many minor items came up in the moment - microdecisions about which variation I would share to represent a move since there was not enough time for all of them. I felt as if I was under a lot of pressure to decide on things which would in the future become important to many, many people.

Not having time to show every move in both direction was challenging for someone as detail-oriented as I am. So the shoot elicited a lot of self compassion for me and patience with my own OCD nature.

Also.... the constant mantra from the whole team... "suck in your abs! fix the skirt on your sassy pants! Pull your shoulders back! SMILE! SMILE! SMILE! SMILE! but not maniacally!" I heard all of these things dozens of times for every move. Plus, of course, there was the blotting and powder for shiny skin, pulling stray hairs off my face, and moving my earrings when they became caught around my ears.

I couldn't help but laugh every time I lost the hoop. And it did happen! Many people who watch my DVDs think I never drop the hoop. But of course this is ridiculous! I drop my hoop all the time! It means I am still learning... it is a good thing. And fall, my hoop did, probably at least 10 times during the shoot. This is the power of editing. I think we will make a blooper reel from all the mess-ups so people realize how human I truly am.

In my mind, I kept thinking, I should have practiced so much more before this! My posture could be so much cleaner! But I have been so caught up in the work of running a business lately that I invested much less time into my actual hoop practice... truely this project has been an opportunity to simply love what is and channel a higher power.

I still remember sitting in my bedroom an hour before taping the level 1 Hoopdance for Beginners. I was still making up move names that morning! Spunk... Limbo... Booty-Bump. I wondered at that time if people would mock me for giving names to moves which before had only been called by their anatomical description. But honestly, I never anticipated that DVD would become as popular as it did or so inspirational to the hundreds of people who wrote personal letters to me afterwards. Or that people would end up making instructional YouTube videos about how to hoop using the same move names as universally representative. I think that niavite helped me get through the first experience with ease.

Going into this second experience, having sold many thousands of the first and hearing so many inspirational accounts of how it influenced peoples lives really put the pressure on me for this second go-round.

There were many retakes once I started reviewing screen shots as we went along, which put us behind schedule. I regretted that this was a step we added only half way through the filming, but was grateful it was at least happening for some of it, none the less. I still remember seeing the first one they showed me. "This is unacceptable. We have to do it again." I said about that move, and we did. Again and again and again. But there were many times we just had to move on because time was running out. To make the deadline we set for ourselves, we had to shoot 5 moves an hour... and with almost 40 total, there was a lot of material to cover. Breaking down would take 40 minutes and there was a class coming into the dance studio right after us.

Other interesting things happened in the moment as well. For example, in one day of the intermediate ciriculum, I teach a concept called, "floorwork". I realized I needed something much more straightforward and tangible for the DVD, so I actually decided to name and teach a few specific moves which we often do down there... and thus, in the moment, Galaxy, Lickety-Split and Pepper were born.

Also in the moment... during downtime I started doing hoop balancing on my head and undulating my arms... Jennaluna was captivated and said.. "You look like a Goddess!" My instant response was, "Let's record it!" Jennaluna said, "Lakshmi!!" And then, all of a sudden, the new move Lakshmi was born. It was sort of high pressure and organic all rolled into one. We recorded it and moved on.

Some moves just didn't work while taping them. Cherry for example, just didn't work because I was so exhausted I didn't have the strength to do it when it came time. Pearl was impossible because my hair piece kept getting tangled in the hoop. So this is how we flowed...

I had forgotten from my other DVD experience that what was required for this project was doing a move again and again and again.. dozens of times to make sure that it was captured without wardrobe malfunction, imperfection or other problems. After 5 hours of this and 3 more to go, I just kept downing the Yerba Mate tea and telling myself that I would get through this...

At one point after grouping all the spinning moves together (Fantasy, Tailspin, Libra, Swan, and more...) and doing over 10 takes of each with endless spiraling movements I started to get nausous and cranky. The shoot had the whole spectrum of experiences for me... from elation to sadness. Meanwhile, throughout it all, I anchored myself in my breathing and smiling. My fake it till you make it joy, amplified by Laughter Yoga which I did in the green room to lift my spirits and help me lighten up. I just kept thinking of myself surrounded my light and delivering something bigger than hooping through the DVD to watchers... helping viewers anchor to joy. I kept thinking about simply being a channel for something that really didn't require any actual skill from me which I did not possess. I contemplated that I was doing something because a larger, more mysterious constellation of circumstances was set up to divinely allow an unfolding from within me which would, in turn, assist an unfolding within others. So breathe, I did. Smile. Move. Allow. Thank goodness for laughter and visualizations!

So this is my mind off meditation for several months:
Shoot! I should have worn the size medium Sassy pants instead of the size smalls! They would have been baggier, but I wouldn't have had that pooch on screen.

Crazy, huh? I revealed my string of compulsive thoughts to my mom last night after the DVD shoot and I was shocked by her response. My mom, the exercise fanatic. My mom, who works out compulsively and even runs marathons on a broken foot. My mom, who wins marathons. She said, "I was so inspired. You were in the best shape ever." Honestly, I was just puzzled! She went on to say that I have been skinner ("gaunt" was the word she actually used) but that I had looked "emaciated" when I was "so thin" and that my bones had been "sticking out". She thought my curves were healthy and beautiful and what she aspired to obtain.

It was quite eye-opening to hear her saying these things. On the way home from the shoot, I thought to myself what a waste of energy all that personal training had been at the gym. I'm not really a gym fan, but I started going intermitently during the last couple months to get more in shape for all these shoots. I regretted all the effort and just asked myself, why can't I just go on an intense juice fast right now and feel great?

While I have been able to do those things with ease and determination in the past, for whatever reason right now, my body has been craving solid and tangible foods: carbs, beef and even the occasional glass of wine. I counterbalance these rich foods with blended smoothies and green drinks, but still have desired them none the less. As always, teaching this hoopdance material has brought my own self-esteem and body issues to light to be healed. I get endless opportunities for compassion and patience with my monkey-mind thoughts and ever changing emotions.

I am so grateful for my life! I am so grateful for this opportunity to dance and be creative and have fun and grow! And to heal. Thank you!