Being a hooper who is on film a lot, I have found myself becoming hyperaware of my abs. I remember when I made the last DVD, I didn't even really think about the shape I was in... and on film I looked ridiculously ripped. I was in optimum shape at that time. One review on Hooping.org, which actually made me laugh, said I was "intimidatingly skinny". Being a woman who has experienced being severely overweight for many years, I found this an amazing observation.

Having my second pelvic surgery and going on medications since has put me in a perpetual state of menopause that has changed the story of my body. I have to invest a bit more effort to stay in shape now... I actually have to add gym time to my hooping and have made changes in my eating habits. Even so, after this, I have to honestly share that I feel insecure. Watching the close-up on film today, I gulped. In my mind, I wondered, "What will people think?"

It's not perfect. Yes, I had that thought! I won't deny it. In fact writing about it is helping me look at it more closely. Me.. the one who preaches self-love and acceptance.

Most other hoop industry leaders are quite naturally skinny but my own weight has fluctuated over the years. Again, it is not like I am fat. I just look real. On film, I have a gentle curve outwards at my belly which comes back in towards my waist.

And so there we were in the studio. I watched the excerpt. I took a breathe, sent my critical thoughts some love, and we moved on.

This is why I do what I do. This moment for me epitomized the blessing that my career is for me. There is a saying that, "you teach what you most need to learn" and this the value of HoopGirl for me. "Get fit, feel sexy, have fun!", our company mantra, mirrors my own quest for self-healing and empowerment. I am developing emotional fitness, joy muscles, a self-loving attitude, inner confidence, radiance, an authentic glow, an ability to enjoy life, an open mind and invitation to pleasure, more childlike playfulness... these are part of my own personal healing process.

Some people read my affirmational blogs, miracle writings or positive poems and they think that I am just naturally happy and blissed out all the time. I've had friends joke that I am like "Polyanna". The truth is, that all the light that I can share comes from looking quite clearly at my own darkness and deciding to make lemonade out of lemons. I go to those dark places of self-judgement, fear and questioning... and then I realize that I can find my way out... sometimes I blog my way out. Sometimes I bubble bath my way out. Often, I teach or perform my way out ... and it is like a brand new day.

The rest of the time flew by today. The set was gorgeous. The lighting amazing. My outfit was fabulous. Everything looked great! The instruction was clear, the shots were perfect. Really, everything about this project is absolutely better than the last. We packed up, came home, and I've been beaming myself love ever since.

Surely I am on a mission. Surely everything has been provided for me. Surely all is well! I'm sure tomorrow will go like clockwork, with radiance, and that all will wrap up with divine beauty. I see myself feeling fantastic. I see myself smiling from my inner joy. I see myself pulsing out a healing vibration to all those who will be watching this DVD! I am anchored in the vibration of self-love. I am surrounded by light. I am anchored in faith and joy. I transmit a happy to be me vibration to all who watch. I trust that there is something much larger than me working through me and that all is well. Thank you, Universe!