Remember those adventure books in which you would read, then stop and make a choice about how the character would proceed? Then you would flip to a new place in the book, read on, make more choices, and finally end at a totally unique place? The covers of those books said, "CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE # whatever, You're the Star of the Story! Choose From 15 Possible Endings!". When I was a kid I used to read dozens of these, but I haven't thought of them in over 15 or 20 years now.

Yesterday I woke up somewhat grouchy about living here in the city. I woke up and basically wanted to roll out the door and onto a hiking trail, into a wonderful nest of green energy, but instead I rolled out onto the concrete sidewalk and walked down to Golden Gate Park. While the walk soothed my mini freakout in the moment, it was a momentary band-aid.

Something within me has been whispering, then softly speaking, then talking forcefully, and now yelling somewhat deafening at me about "being in the green", which translates to me moving to a slower place with mountains, trees, waters and luminous like-minded people living life at a slower pace. A place where an exciting Friday night activity is a group freestyle dance event or two back-to-back yoga classes. The message is clear... if I am to stay in the Bay Area, I must move to Marin. If I can be anywhere in California, I am to move back to Santa Barbara, if I can live anywhere at all, then the best choice would be for me to move to the Hawaiian Islands. I just *know* this.

But, I'm STUCK (with capital letters). I am married. And the man I am married to and love in many ways won't budge, and is so passionate about the City and nightlife and his social network that I likely doubt he will *ever* budge, at least not soon enough for me. Enter the "Choose Your Own Adventure # whatever" concept. It was like a flash while I was on my walk. I was strolling along, talking to my angels, and suddenly thought to myself "why am I choosing to be stuck?"

Which brings on a whole slew of intense questions:

Why have I chosen to be with my husband? Really?
Why did I choose to move to San Francisco?
Why do I choose to remain in the habitual pattern of everyday city life when I'm not happy here?
Why do I choose to live without the warm sun on my skin?
Why do I choose to feel alone?
Why do I choose to feel powerless in this moment?

and, here's the kicker...
Why do I chose to let my husband's wants and needs dictate *my* life adventure?

I am just so 125% aware of my deep inner guidance to be in another place, living at another pace, so utterly, so completely, that I can't help but ask myself.. whatz up??? Why have I chosen to be stuck? The beauty of my business is that I can basically function from anywhere on the planet... Enter the flash of the book, "You're the Star of the Story! Choose From 15 Possible Endings!" line...

Why am I choosing to let someone else choose for me what I KNOW what I want to choose?
Why do I choose to let his choices be my choices?
Why am I choosing to become aware of this reality and do nothing about it immediately?
Why am I choosing to squish my life path?
Again, why am I choosing to remain powerless?

What is the payoff??

I CHOOSE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE. Holy macaroni! What a realization. It's the kind of thing that shows up in momentary aha's, then subsides, but my mind has really got a hold on this one. I've had it for a full 24 hours now, and I woke up thinking about it this morning.

Yesterday I picked up, "Lessons From the Light" by Dr. Kenneth Ring, the world's foremost expert on NDE, Near Death Experiences. In it, he shares the remarkably similar experiences ALL people have when they are dying, which, for those who come back, has life changing effects. One of the most remarkable things is that most people who have a NDE have what is called a "life review", where their entire lives pass before their eyes, everything, in the most details imaginable, from birth to death. I've only made it to page 27 so far, but my skimming in the bookstore informed me that this life review experience inspires realizations about *what really maters*, *what we choose* and *how our choices effect others* (mainly, do we bring more loving kindness into the world? because that is all that matters!).

So with these NDE life reviews in mind, I am wondering to myself, when I look back on my life when I am dying, what will I see? What choices will I have made? What fears will I realize I have had? What will I realize I could have done differently but chose not to? Will I have any regrets? What human life adventure will I have chosen, of all the megabillions of possible lives I could have created for myself?

So here I am at 6:38 on Saturday morning, contemplating. I know there is a shift waiting to happen within me. I'm trying to be compassionate and loving with it so it can emerge...

Amazing art for today's blog from Lisa Iris! www.lisairis.bizland.com