Wow, well I had a bit of a scuffle with Kramer first thing this morning. He wanted to talk taxes at 7am and I asked him to wait till 10am... and it escalated into some intense back and forth and feelings for me to bring into my morning hoping. I wasn't sure if it would work out, but actually I think it was the best practice time I have had a in a long time. All that emotional energy seemed to transmute into focus and I found a deep flow, linking together moves which previously I had just done as drills.

I continued to play with all the variations of shoulder reversals and realized there is a distinct difference between breaking when your arm is inside the hoop versus outside. I played with front and back with both options on each arm in each direction and also with two hoops.

Inspiration from Ann of Hoop Path led me to try warrior with random breaks and reversal created solely by the strength of my hand mid spin, leading into opposite direction spinning or just isolations. Also from her, I was compelled to try rotating the hoop on my hands in prayer position and continually turning over while keeping the hoop vertical... but I almost broke the glass celing fan lightcover with that one so decided to save that until outside.

Wonderful feeling of flow from continual reverse jump throughs on each side, leading into other traveller-breaks, or traveller kicks, where I stall the hoop and launch a leg through the open space.

Played my whole body drum with breaks to each side on every level, also adding spontaneous horizontal isolations, step and skip breaks and booty bump position with coninual float and breaks to each side. (geez this must sound like morse code! One day soon, an easy video oppotunity is coming into my life).

Continued playing with vertical isolations where I actually turn my whole body around and try to keep the circle spininng straight the whole time, both directions.

When my hands got tired from all the reversals, I started "chi"ing, as Baxter taught us, moving the hoop from the legs to the upper arms only by precise "wiggle-force". Wow, I sure flailed around a lot .. this exercise has a lot of gems to offer me.

Somehow all these moves started seeping together into a flow of combinations which felt really nice. I still feel as if I am developing mastery of most of these, so it was quite thrilling to see my body linking them together in new ways.

Breakthrough opportunities I am looking forward to mastering:
Barrel roll with snake in my outflow/second current with vertical floats clean on and off on a flat plane
Rotating the hoop on my hands in prayer position and continually turning over while keeping the hoop vertical
Continual leg reversals (thanks Ann! you're my hero)
Baxter's behind the neck throw in each direction (not an inside practice move for my livingroom!)

So it was a good hour. I feel much more relaxed and sane.

Still on my mind last night and even now a bit were all the responses posted on Tribe from yesterday's blog. I had also had lunch with Rosie 2 days ago when she asked me something like, "do you really get how much people are inspired by you?" or something to that effect. That coupled with the reponses by Surprise and Chris yesterday, which made it sound like I was letting down "all the women who look up to me" by my being concerned about having a belly roll on video and considering loosing weight to "look good", was causing some confusion in my head. Am I letting down women by wanting to look and feel good? Does that mean I should just do self love rituals and just accept myself with a belly roll for the sake of women's empowerment? So loosing weight means I am betraying women's admiration? What??! My mind has been spinning.

Regarding Rosie's question on realizing I'm inspiration... I DO I realize it, but I do not own it. Owning it in my mind means that it is coming from me, which honestly it is not. "It", my life path, is just happening from a higher source. I do what I do because I feel compeletly and utterly compelled, not because I had a plan from the start.

Though I have heard I'm an inspiration from hundreds of people, I'm always striving not to personalize -- let my ego inflate from the good things or deflate from the bad things people say. I open to connect to their hearts, but avoid letting my head expand. A couple years ago, all the attention I would get after performances almost scared me. So many people wanting to come up and thank me and touch me. It totally freaked me out after a while until I could get to the place of realizing that people are responding to something I was mirroring for them, not *me* neccessarily. That realization was so freeing! Since then I've stayed in that place of just walking my own walk. If I start personalizing all the praise, it feels like I am carrying such a heavy load of everyone's admiration... too big of a responsibility! But when I just smile and recieve their humanity and connection and know that they are excited because they are seeing their own selves, it feels more right. Honestly, when my journey inspires others to see what was already inside of them all along, that is fantastic! That is my mission. That is my true path in some way... simply to reflect. I so appreciate the opportunity to do that and connect with people on a heart level because of it.

But I am not doing what I am doing for fame. I am not consciously deciding, "hey I am going to be an example for women everywhere and lead this pure amazing hoopstar life". My life isn't pure and often times it is hard and lonely. I work so much I seldom spend enough quality time with friends or even my husband. I have times where I have a drink too many or don't work out for weeks. I have times where I basically clean out my entire personal savings to pay everyone on my staff and reinvest in my company and have no clue where the new money will come from to continue. I think to myself, "what the hell am I doing?" And then I just get this deep knowing that what I am doing is vitally important for me and just go back to faith. When I freak out, I do lots of affirmations and listen to lots of Agape sermons or Secret type books on tape and hoop my butt off, and then share the lemonade from my lemons on my blog. And then miracles happen! Consistantly. I am in awe, but when I get vulnerable, open up and ask a Higher Source to step in, they do. The challenge is, a lot of my blog readers think my life is just pure yummy lemonade all the time. But I feel compelled to tell you, a lot of the joy and beauty comes from some pretty intense lemons!

Now don't get me wrong, my life rocks! It rocks hard! I am so grateful and I DO feel completely blessed. I love that people love to see me when I show up to share hooping. I love that I get to see so many smiles and be around people who are having such wonderful experiences with their bodies and psyches. I love all the enthusiasm and good energy. I love being around so much love! I love it when people come up and want to connect with me and share their experiences. It feels so important to me to connect. That is what matters most to me. I am so appreciative that I can! I have so many opportunities and am able to do what I am passionate about and be creative. I enjoy most of the wonderful things that I could possibly desire. I love my life and I love every one of my students and customers who can help me continue to walk this path with all their passion and support. I am so grateful!

But what I am trying to say is, I am completly and utterly human, just like you. I have good days and bad days. I am not perfect! So I want to ask a favor of all of my readers... please don't let me ever "let you down". Simply let my life and process inspire you to decide what is right for you. Perhaps you will read something in my blog that completely uplifts you, or turns you off... instead of thinking I need to change so you can maintain admiration, just *let yourself be inspired* to make the change you need to in your own life. Please share with me your thoughts, of course... but realize that my decisions, wether "good" or "bad" in your opinion, can still inspire you to be what you believe in. Inspiration doesn't just come from the good. That is how so many of my own challenges become blessings... the harder stuff has hidden gems.

Anyways, I am really grateful for everyone's comments and thank you for reading this as I continue to find my place in all of it.

xo
Christabel