This was my affirmation as I sat through my second Conscious Bookkeeping Class taught by Bari Tessler, which combines financial therapy and bookkeeping skills. I was thinking this to myself, "I love money", because tonight we were going over how to create balance sheets. A part of me was wanting to scream and run the other direction. On one hand, like everyone else, I want more money in my life. But there are certain things about managing money which cause me to go unconscious. I don't balance my checkbook. I don't do complex financial analyses. I basically just work my butt of to make lots of money but I don't really take responsibility in terms of my spending habits and future planning. I am taking this class to help "wake up". I keep reminding myself that I love money because when you love something, that means you care enough to give back. If I loved money the way I love other things and people in my life, I would be more nurturing, more attentive, more present and release whatever fears I have. What the heck is there to be afraid of behind those numbers? The numbers just reflect choices which can be changed.

Bari was speaking about how we idealize moving from having a lot of liabilities to a lot of assets. She also mentioned redefining assets: not things you can liquidate for cash (as traditionally taught), but rather things that you own that are actively generating more money .. such as investments, income generating property or income generating businesses. What many people think of as assets are not -- cars sitting around depreciating, morgages for homes which drain cash, etc.

I listened to her and looked up and down at the sheet, from liabilities to assets and back and forth. I realized that even though my business is quite large and very successful, we still have a ways to cross over from having liabilities to true assets. A lot comes in and lot goes out. Where have I been asleep in the process? And when did I believe it was okay to fall asleep when it comes to money?

Somehow people who own lots of properties and have lots of investments and things like life insurance feel very mature and different to me. I think of people that I don't really know personally (except my parents)... country clubbers, software engineers, doctors, lawyers ... a bit outside my social scene. I realize that I want to have these things in my life, a sense of financial security... and I also want to know more of these people who seem to understand how to work with the energy of money in more intimite ways.

We worked through the "therapy" aspects to our relationship with money last week. We looked at how our parents and grandparents used and taught us about money (or not) and all the subtle beliefs we have around receiving, spending and keeping track of money. We did a regression visualzation which took us back to childhood and asked us to search for memories of getting our first (if ever) allowance and what we were taught about how to spend it. How our religious and ethnic backgrounds informed our beliefs about money. We looked at when we opened our first checking account and what we were taught about that. We looked at how we felt among others of more and less financial means around us as we grew up. Etc. Lots of us in the group felt the were never taught even the most basic things about managing money as a child.

This week we worked on issues of completion... do we have a will? Do our loved ones know where all our important documents can be found? Do we have a plan in place which will handle all our financial responsibilities if we die and protect those we love? Do we have homeowners insurance? do we have life insurance? Are all our debts repaid and have we been repaid? How much do we spend each month and on what? Where is there financial ambiguity in our relationships? Etc.

Bari also had us create a more spiritual pie chart representation of why it is important to keep track of money. Basically, the IRS was 1/8 of the reason and the rest were all reasons about waking up -- on all levels. The biggest reason was basically so we can become sacred vessels to manifest our divine purpose on this planet. Doing it because we need to deal with living in a human material reality right now and we have a choice -- waste time and energy struggling, hiding or fighting against money or embrace it like a lover (lover being my choice of a word).

I mean, if money was our lover, we would be so full of passion whenever it was around. When it was around we would know everything about every inch of it's "body", how it was "breathing", what all of it's little sounds meant, how it slept, how it laughed, how to feed it so it stayed healthy and happy, how to anticipate it's needs, how to nuture it and take care of it. WOW! What a paradigm shift... to even think of money as a more than just abstract "energy" but an actual conscious being. It really feels like it wakes me up to think that way, even if it is only my imagination. And then, it just came to me... if money is like a metaphoric "lover", like all lovers, it visits us for a purpose. To wake us up to our divine mission. Like any relationship, the purpose of the exchange would be to rise to our highest self and move to the next level. When I think about it this way, it makes hiding from money's numeric language seem absurd. It is like telling your lover, "sshhhhh" never talk to me because I don't like how your voice sounds". How can you love someone you refuse to have an interaction with???? How can you love someone you refuse to look squarely in the eyes, breathe deeply, and fully accept? Such a big divine reason for taking financial responsibility. To experience actual love. To take it on as part of the work to be done to be able to the higher divine work you are called on this planet to do. Opening bills, meditating on statements, tallying numbers, generating monthly statements becomes part of a conscious life practice that welcomes the energy of money to enter one's life to enable true manifestation of life purpose. It makes amazing (yet obvious) sense.

No one really chats about money too directly when I spend time with them. It isn't like we sit down and compare how much we are making and spending and discuss our latest plans for savings, investments, life insurance, etc. Many people I know seem to complain about not having enough money. No one I know hangs out and says, "you know, I found this incredible new way to triple my savings... do you want to know how?" Why is that? These are important issues which we should all feel comfortable discussing and learning from eachother about, and yet there is so much hidden-ness around speaking about it. Money. Money. Money. Money!! People talk about money less than they talk about sex! I think it really is the most taboo subject. Just entitling today's blog, "I love money" felt extremely risky to me for some bizzare reason. What will people think of someone who loves money?

I'll sign off with some positive money affirmations. I think it is possible to make radical changes in our habits, no matter how long we have had them. Here are some good thoughts for me to remember:

I love money!
I love managing money.
I love keeping track of what is coming in and what is going out.
I enjoy paying off my debts as soon as possible.
I take time every week to journal about my life plan, spending habits and financial health.
I balance my checkbook!
I ask for help when I need it.
Numbers are fun!
I make time in my life to financially nurture myself.
I take responsibility for all my financial commitments.
I am building more assests every day!
I love paying my bills because I know 3 times more is on it's way in.
I love keeping all my reciepts and enterting them into my accounts.
I love financial spreadsheets!
I love analyzing monetary reports and understanding everything.
I enjoy thinking about how to make, save and invest money.
Money is fun!
I surround myself with successful people who love and understand money.
I freely talk about money with my family and share my thoughts and feelings.
I invite my friends to share their money stories with me so we can all learn together.
I am open to having a radically new perspective on money.
I am ready to invite the energy of money into my life so I can give my divine gifts to the world.
When the topic of money comes up, I am excited and joyful.
I love learning from my friends and family how to improve my financial knowledge.
I am always trying to educate myself more about money through books, audio CDs and other sources.
Money is an energy which can be used to create amazing positivity in the world.
Money is an energy which can provide freedom and security.
Having money can free up life energy, or chi, to flow into more divine life callings.
I enjoy being financially secure enough to focus on creativity and spirituality 100%
Money is good!
It is okay to love having money.
I save more money than I spend.
It is healthy to have a healthy relationship with money.
I am open to new ideas about being more financially aware, efficient and present.
I am excited by the idea of bookkeeping!
Keeping track of money is easy!
I am wildly successful in all ways.
Thank you!!