Saturday night I had a gig performing on a massive stage in front of thousands of screaming lesbians. It paid me quite a bit of money, which is why I sacrificed going to the Lightening in a Bottle Festival. It was a hard choice. My soul has been hungry for the outdoors, nature, warmth, friends and dancing inspiration. I deeply needed that rejuevination. However, miscommunication about my availability resulted in me needing to take this gig to maintain super positive relations with the company which booked me.

All weekend I had been thinking about friends dancing in the woods, laughing and celebrating and the dozens of amazing hoopers who were heading there to rock their hoops. For me, there is a caliber of rocking out that can only happen in it's most pure form when it emerges spontaneously. It is hard to plan it and predict it. It arrives suddenly in unexpected places, like my living room, a random field, or at a jam. But it tends to arrive more often at festivals and other outdoor events with great music and great vibes. The inner bliss is amazing to surf and this is the essence of hoopdance which is HOT. It feeds me.

This gig I performed at had low volume disco music playing which abruptly stopped and changed to R and B in the middle of my set. Although I had warmed up before going on, my body was not in electric communion with the music. So I did what any good performer would do. I smiled, imagined I was listening to the best music in my life, pushed my body to undulate and contort through lots of tricky moves and general ecstatic dance. Everyone was dancing and doing their thing, lots of smiles and screaming so I knew the spectators were enjoying it. Dozens came up afterwards to thank me. But did I enjoy it? Actually I should be grateful. Who else do I know who gets paid $100 per minute of work? And since when is hula hooping work?

I am wondering about the stage and my ability to connect to my higher self. Unsure at the moment that the stage is still taking me to a place of "electric communion" in the same way it used to. My last entry I talked about changing toxic to tonic... watching my conversations and company. I am aware of the needed change now... but still need to start making enough changes that it becomes a habit. Hooping is a non-verbal way of having a conversation for me. Who am I talking to with my dance? What am I saying? What am I intending? Who is it honoring?

I crave dark corners of nightclubs, the sidelines at hoopjams, the ability to be among others but also invisible to connect with what I want to hoop out. I want the conversation of my dance to be pure truth. Not sure it being on stage at the moment is the pure truth of my path. In short, I feel my personal practice calling. My hoop practice is wanting more depth, more enrichment. I have been skipping the last couple days because of doldrums and it is time to step it up. The journey I need to take right now has no makeup, no glamour photos, no audience. It is alone in my living room with the kitchen timer set to one hour per day - getting dialed in the old fashioned way.

Divine Source, thank you for creating spaces for me to remember connection through dance. I know that I can access a sense of freedom inside at any time. I can allow a divine download of healing dance at anytime, in any place and within any situation. I trust my breath to connect me to a sense of grounded peace and bliss. Yes! Thank you! I allow myself to feel gratitude overflowing out of every cell in my body for the amazing life! I look for blessings, what is bright and what is right in every situation to admire and celebrate. I focus on radiance and vitality in every opportunity. I can shift my awareness back to connection and the positive at any time instantaneously. I come back to gratitude as my master medicine for wellbeing and wholeness. Delicious, inspiring energy floods my body every day! It is easy to have the enthusiasm and focus to commit even more time to my hoop practice. I show up for myself ready to have fun!