I was finally back at the gym this morning after what felt like an eternity away. Something was always coming up. Excuses. The truth was when I was back there on the eliptical machine, watching people walk by through the huge windows with cute dogs and listening to Reverand Michael Beckwith on my i-pod, I felt better than I have in days. Then I came back and started hooping in the living room to Shaman's Dream's new CD and really felt some strong realizations. I forced myself to use an LED hoop (though I prefer my own) since I am performing Saturday, and it was interesting to feel the slippery texture and heavier weight on my body. The new feelings and the new thoughts fed on eachother a bit.

In the gym, Dr. Michael was speaking about paying attention. Paying attention to our conversations and our company. What we say and who we hang with. He was suggesting that (of course) we experience what we language. For the last few weeks, I have been languaging that I am exhausted. I have been languaging that I am overworked, overwhelmed and over every thing that used to excite me! Although I have been aware while speaking that every negative phrase drained a bit more juice from my system, I couldn't help myself. I was sick of hearing everyone complain around me and having to be the bright light. So I jumped right into the mix of negativity. I found the f*** word entering my languaging. I found lots of exasperated sighs. Lots of complaining. I let my eating habits go a bit, stopped working out and basically parked at my computer for hours on end (and actually accomplished???.... still trying to figure that out). Not so empowering. Yesterday I finally went to the eye doctor to address an annoying eye twitch which started several weeks ago and has gotten more extreme. His answer: completely stress related. It has become impossible to ignore that I need to make a big change.

There has been *a lot* going on with hooping for me. Big decisions to make on a level of commitment I have never dealt with before -- relating to both manufacturing my hoop and considering distribution offers on my DVD. Great gifts, but also great responsibility. Possible success but also possible sacrafice. I so wish I could spill my guts about all these gazillion of things I am thinking about on a daily basis about hoops, but I want to hold it all inside until something births.

This morning at the gym, listening to Reverand Michael talking about "conversation", I realized that my conversation has been downright yucky. I decided right then and there I am waking up my awareness again. I can start over today and begin fresh.

He also spoke about company, asking "who are you spending time with?" Who are you vibrating with? Who are you picking up habits from? Who is setting the feeling tone which is influencing your own development? My realizations from this question were: a) I need more friends to even vibe with! I need to get out more socially! and b) I need to sign contracts with organizations who are vibrating at a level which I admire (instead of letting myself get seduced by the wealth opportunities being offerred by companies whom I do not really vibrate with). It was like a flash of clarity. I am so grateful.

So this is why I have not written in what feels like a long time. I am re-booting my internal computer after a "negativity" virus sweep and hoping the reset sticks today.

Today I intend to look for the positive in every situation! Today I will look everywhere and see only blessings. My awareness is re-calibrated to focus on things which uplift and heal me on every level. My eyes will be magnetically drawn to notice beauty, joy and inspiration. My mind is has the habit of thinking about the bright side of things. My mind is a gratitude magnet! Thank you!