I was listening to Reverand Michael Beckwith this morning in the gym. It was so nice to get back in there after having avoided it for a week! He asked two amazing questions: "are you ready to take complete responsibility for everything that has happened in your life right now?" and "what is your payoff for being a victim?"
Michael discussed the mistake of allowing things outside ourselves to determine how we feel inside. He spoke of how consensus reality agrees that outside determines inside, but that we have a choice about what reality we choose to live in! We can create an inner, spiritual reality which is about connection to the inifinite. We can create a new vibration and become high frequency, positive beacons of what is possible beyond the limiting belief systems of being "merely human".
Right on Michael! Wow. Total resonance. Especially as I have been reading, A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie, which has been inspiring deep questions about how I create my reality through unquestioned beliefs. I'm having a blast questioning all my beliefs right now.
One belief I have been telling myself is a "poor me" version about my husband not sharing my devotion to a spiritual investigation of reality or raw food exploration. I have a story going through my brain that, "it is hard to be married to someone who does not share these beliefs and interests with me." This story allows me to hold back. It tells me that marriage is "hard" and that I am unhappy. It allows me to be a vicitim telling a story of "being alone on this path." This story makes me feel sad, disconnected and unmotivated to follow through on what I feel called to explore. And of course, it doesn't make me feel closer to my hubby! How would I feel without this belief? Lighter, more free, energized to manifest my own dreams. More attracted to praise my guy for all of his own unique callings and talents.
My payoff for allowing myself to be "the victim" telling a story about a husband who "doesn't share these interests" is that it allows me to slack. The truth is, my husband is a magificent being with whom I share so many soul connections. He continues to astound and amaze me with his own beautiful uniqueness. He is gorgeous, talented, inspiring, deep, generous, loving and present. I knew our philosophical differerences when I married him, and was thrilled because we enrich eachother's lives so deeply with our unique gifts. The truth is that this whole situation has taught me the power of resolution, devotion and personal responsibility to my own calling.
For so many years in so many relationships, I put on the brakes until i had a "travel partner". A friend or lover who would come with me to explore a new, unknown path. But the truth is I cannot wait for someone else to heed my own inner calling. Inner callings are calling me for a reason. I can only support others in heeding their own inner callings as well. But to be able to honor my own calling without projecting it onto those around me ... total liberation! It allows me to enjoy everyone at a deeper level, and it allows me to walk in truth.
BTW, If you are interested, you can subscribe to Michael Beckwith's Agape Wednesday and/or Sunday service audio CD's for a reasonable price by calling (310) 348-1266. I subscribe to both days, and they have changed my life. What a gift to be able to live so far away from him, but still hear his weekly teachings!
I am so grateful for the power of self inquiry. I am elated that I can easily unpack my beliefs and re-create them to be empowering, inspiring and liberating! Thank you, Universal Conenctedness Between All Things, for continuing to send people, events and resources my way which make me feel lighter, happier and peaceful. I am so happy to be alive!